Interview: Melkite Khouria Jocelyn Abyad
- Melkite Musings
- Apr 27
- 8 min read
Khouria Jocelyn Abyad is the wife of Fr. Zyad Abyad and mother to seven girls, ranging in age from 2 to 20. She received her degree in psychology from Arizona State University in 2001 and worked as a banker for the next decade, until she took a step back from the professional world to homeschool her children.
An Arizona native, Kh. Jocelyn feels fortunate to serve alongside her husband at St. John of the Desert Melkite Catholic Church in Phoenix, Arizona, USA, near family and longtime friends. In addition to her work at the parish, she maintains an online presence as “Melkite Momma,” sharing homeschool and liturgical living tips on several platforms. Kh. Jocelyn is a regular contributor to Byzikids Magazine, developing sensory-based children’s religious education and curriculum. She writes the curriculum for the national ByziClassroom program, an extension of Byzikids Magazine, and is the leader of the Phoenix Byzikids Homeschool Co-Op.
In her free time, Kh. Jocelyn loves to sing and encourages children’s natural love of music by teaching a preschool choir. She enjoys performing with the Arizona Girl Choir and singing with four of her daughters, who are also part of the choir.
INTERVIEW:
1. What was your faith journey like? Were you born into a Melkite family?
I was born and raised in a faithful Roman Catholic family and I remain connected to my childhood Catholic community in many ways. When I met my husband, I had never heard of the Melkite Church. In fact, I often joke that I was quite sure he was a “heretic” of some kind! It was actually very difficult for me to leave the familiarity of my Roman Catholic upbringing, but as we discerned marriage and what the future might hold for us, I decided to join the Melkite Church.
I learned how to be Melkite by living liturgically and teaching Sunday School. As I prepared for each lesson, I was actually informing myself of the spiritual and practical differences between East and West and thereby learning alongside the children.
2. What does a Presbytera/Khouria's vocation entail?
This vocation is unique in that it is lived out in many different ways. The only thing I can say for certain that the vocation entails is being married to a priest! Depending on the woman’s gifts and talents, the size of her husband’s parish and staff (or lack thereof), whether or not she or her husband have secular jobs, and the ages and number of children that she has all play critical roles in determining what the vocation will look like.
3. How does a woman discern that vocation?
I believe that discernment primarily lies in living a faithful, prayerful, and sacramental life. When we regularly receive the Eucharist and go to Confession, the Holy Spirit is able to speak clearly to us about the paths we should be taking. Being a khouria isn’t a vocation in itself; you cannot be a khouria without an abouna (Arabic word for priest), as such, I don’t believe that we discern the vocation itself so much as we discern how we will live out our husband’s vocation alongside him.
Personally, my husband had already discerned a calling to the priesthood when we were dating, so it was something that I knew was a possibility from the start. At the time, I will admit to blissful ignorance of the full meaning of what this would mean for our lives, but I trusted my husband’s faith and discernment so much then, as I do now, that I believe, “Who am I to stand between God’s calling for him?”
4. What are some of the joys of this vocation?
After Fr. Zyad’s ordination, I genuinely saw and felt the grace of the Holy Spirit upon him in a new way. The wisdom and grace that I get a first-hand seat to is really incredible. One of the greatest joys of my husband’s vocation to the priesthood was watching him baptise and chrismate our youngest daughter. God willing, someday I will watch him walk to the back of the church to bring forward our daughters and their husbands for Holy Crowning. (In the Melkite tradition, the couple to be wed walks together towards the Altar of Christ, rather than having the woman “given away” by her father.)
More universally, some of my greatest joys have been walking with people on their faith journey. My husband and I have the honour of joining people on their very best and very worst days–the birth of a child, the death of a loved one, and every momentous occasion in between. We get to live this incredible life of service centred on, revolved around, and lived in Christ. We witness conversions, miracles, and transformations that only the power of the Holy Spirit could bring about. Our family has expanded to include so many more people than just our nuclear family.
5. What are some of the struggles?
It seems like a small thing now, but early on, one of the hardest things for me to adjust to was “sharing” the holidays. Our Holy Days are extremely busy for clergy; they often have to serve more than one service to meet the needs of the parish. However, as a family, we want Baba (dad in Arabic) home on Christmas and Pascha with us! I received beautiful advice from another presbytera early on: "honour the octave." Meaning, remember that a feast isn’t just one day but is celebrated over many days, and that has helped me to navigate this struggle.
Sometimes I feel a bit lonely as a khouria; there are very few women that I know in the same position and most of them live far from me. The politics and disagreements that inevitably occur within the Church, both locally and nationally, can be discouraging as well. Ultimately, I think the hardest thing for me to navigate is how personal it all feels. If you insult or argue with “the priest,” you are insulting my husband and my children’s father. If you criticise a program or event at the church, I probably helped plan it. If you leave the parish for another, I have lost a friend. I think these are all examples of my own human weaknesses that I continue to work on. Perhaps that’s what I would like everyone to know! We (khourias) haven’t arrived at the end of our spiritual journey; we are still wrestling out our theosis alongside you!
6. What are a khouria's duties towards a parish?
My duties as a khouria are to attend the Divine Liturgy and other prayer services to the best of my ability, participate in the community life of the parish, and contribute generously of my time, talent and treasure. For me, that means teaching religious education, leading a women’s group, helping to develop parish programs, designing the bulletin each week, and managing our social media pages.
Beyond these more practical duties, I believe there is a reasonable expectation that a khouria “mothers” her parish. I actively seek out fellowship with our parishioners to get to know and love them better, to discover their needs, and learn how my husband and I can better serve the flock we are entrusted with. I do my best to provide help in both practical and spiritual matters for others in our parish as much as possible.
7. Does the priest's vocation "interfere" with the marriage?
The priestly vocation doesn't interfere with our marriage; however, it requires that we work diligently to ensure that is the case! We must first keep Christ as the centre and head of our marriage and our family, and nourish our own prayer lives. We have to communicate clearly with each other and manage our calendars very closely. This is the primary reason we have chosen to homeschool; we are better able to live around the church’s needs.
I also have to accept that there are things he knows that I will not know, even beyond the more obvious seal of the confessional. Priests carry many heavy burdens for the parish and the people. They are truly our defenders and advocates in so many ways, and I am grateful for my husband’s protection of me, not only physically but spiritually and emotionally.
8. Does marriage, particularly the wife, interfere with the priest's service to the Church?
Inherently, no, a wife does not interfere with the priest’s service to the parish but rather expands his ability to serve the people. Particularly in Eastern Catholic parishes, which tend to be smaller, the khouria provides vital assistance and behind the scenes work.
One area that needs continued attention in the Church is supporting our married priest financially. It is an issue that is debated widely. It is obvious that a family like mine needs more funds than a celibate priest; I’m sure many of you would faint at my grocery bill! Most married priests have to maintain a secular job in addition to their parish duties; for example, my husband is an engineer. His secular job is very flexible thankfully, so he can meet the needs of the people, like funerals during the week or urgent anointings for someone who is dying.
9. What are the views of a priest's wife on the tradition of obligatory priestly celibacy in the Latin Church?
I always tease that my faith is simple–I will be cutting and gluing my way to Heaven with the children, so I leave these deeper theological matters to the experts. However, I do find it insulting when people insinuate that a celibate priesthood is the only valid priesthood. Our Church has a rich history of both married and celibate clergy in the East and the West. In fact, I grew up with a married Roman Catholic priest! (He was an Anglican convert; many people might be surprised to hear how many married Roman Catholic priests there really are!) I firmly believe that there is value in having both celibate and married priests in the Church; they offer different strengths.
10-What makes a priest's family different from any other one in a parish, if anything?
Priest’s families are just like other families–we are not “holier" by default. My girls struggle to share, learn their math, and make friends. My older girls in particular wrestle with their own faith journey and how to navigate dating and modesty in light of their upbringing and beliefs. We scrub our floors, play at the park, and celebrate birthdays together as any family does.
But at the same time, we are set apart; a priest’s family is never “anonymous” in a parish. Our actions are seen, judged, and reflected on my husband. We live a life where many people look to us as the “standard” of what being Melkite “should” look like. This can be especially difficult for our children, and we talk to them often about it.
But good news! God provides so much grace to us through my husband’s priesthood. We share his fatherhood with the whole parish, and we are so proud of him. The parishioners shower our children with gifts, attention, and affection beyond what I ever imagined. We get a front-row seat to the beauty of our church family.
11. How does a Presbytera help her husband be a better priest, specifically?
From a general perspective, I think it is obvious that a married priest better understands the feminine nature and perspective in a deeper and more practical way. He knows how to be a husband first and serve his wife and children. These skills extend to serving the people of his parish.
Personally and more specifically, I strive to be my husband’s helpmate- beginning with the practical items like making sure his cassock and vestments are clean and ready, but extending beyond that to being a good listener and sounding board for him. I am able to be his ears in the parish, to be observant, and point out things that he may not be able to see himself when he is busy presiding over a prayer service or Liturgy. I help him to love the community, pray for him, and work hard to help sustain his ministry. I know that he appreciates my creativity and assistance with planning events.
